My Online Therapy Experience With BetterHelp

A few weeks ago, after I sat alone on my bed having a panic attack at the sound of fireworks that hadn’t given me panic attacks in 2 years (which I now know why that happens, so yay!), I realised that I probably needed to go back to therapy.

I couldn’t wait for the long waiting lists only to see someone, yet again, who was wildly inappropriate and deal with the frustration of the hope of help and getting nothing in return.

I’d seen a tonne of YouTube videos that were sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy, and it was something that had been lingering in my mind for a while. I started doing research and as I was sitting in bed, shaking and texting friends in North America because everyone here was asleep, I decided that something had to change. My brain had been getting the better of me and I didn’t feel like me anymore. Half an hour later, I decided to sign up and give it a go. At least I didn’t have to leave my room.

I asked on Instagram Stories the next day that asked whether you guys would be interested in hearing about my foray into online therapy and a 97% of the people who voted said yes, and a lot of people DM’d me questions. One person very sweetly said that she voted no because she didn’t want me to feel like I needed to share my therapy experience when it should be about helping me, and I totally get that. This review will not be about any ‘breakthroughs’ I’ve had or my personal therapy experience. It will be my experience of Betterhelp’s service as someone with a chronic illness.

Full disclosure: this is a sponsored review. However, I sought out therapy independently, and I had already had three weeks of sessions and I wanted to write about my experiences. As always, this is my honest experience and thoughts that I hope will help others make an informed decision. 

There were four things that drew me to BetterHelp, and these are the lens through which I planned to see if I thought that it was something that could help me and would be worth continuing with:

1) It is cheaper than standard therapy

Ok, I know therapy on the NHS is free, but I have literally had zero success with NHS therapy options. And, like most available treatments, I need more than a handful of sessions. My crap is ongoing. I need ongoing help for it.

I also couldn’t afford to wait for months on another waiting list. I had a therapist I liked but 1 month of online access was cheaper than a single session with her, and I just couldn’t financially afford to see her.

2) There’s the opportunity to change therapist

Starting out with any new therapist is scary, so I was relieved to see that it’s easy to switch if necessary, without having to go back on a waiting list, or pay for an extra long-session that was a waste of my time.

3) I can do it remotely

YAY THE INTERNET. As I said above, I live my life online. Texting is my main form of communication. Leaving my bed to trek to therapy would often use up my energy for at least a day, which, when you’re trying to hold down a job is counter-productive. And, I can use it on a laptop, phone, or tablet, depending on what I have available.

4) I got more bang for my buck

I’ll go into more detail on this below, but there are four ways to communicate with your therapist: video chat, voice call, online chat, and a general text stream that you can send stuff to outside of your arranged sessions. I end up spending hours a week working on my mental health, instead of a single hour every now and then. I’ve made more progress in a month than I have in the last few years.

Let’s get started…

Even in the shaky aftermath of a panic attack, and having made a decision that I was going to reach out for help, I must admit that I was skeptical. I’ve not had the best experiences with therapists in the past, and online you never really know what you’re going to get. But I decided to go in with an open mind and hope for the best.

Signing up quick and easy, and I appreciated that their UX wasn’t clunky. I went through a few pages of questions about what I was after. Was I looking for individual or couples counselling? What’s my age? What’s my gender? What’s my sexual orientation? Do I consider myself to be spiritual or religious? They asked about my relationship status, whether I considered myself to be in good health, and whether I’d had therapy in the past, before moving onto the the standard depression form (the thing that I hate doing at the GP – ‘yeah no shit I’m depressed but half of the answers to this are also symptoms of my chronic illness’). They then asked where I was based and my preferred language for therapy before starting the process of setting up my account.

They also asked more specifics about the type of therapist we wanted – did we want someone who had experience of working, for example, in the LGBTQ community, or people with bipolar?

Obviously, I don’t know how their matching system works behind the scenes, but it made me feel as though I had a bit more control over the process, and there was more of a chance that I would get matched with a therapist that matched the requirements I put down.

Prices & Financial Aid

Unlimited access to BetterHelp usually costs between $35 and $80 a week, billed monthly, depending on your financial situation. They have Financial Aid available, and they will tell you the weekly cost of the service when you input your monthly income during the sign-up process.

Because prices were given in weeks, I was under the impression that you pay weekly (which was a great initial draw when I wanted to test it out), but you do pay monthly.

This can be a great benefit to people with chronic illnesses who are either unable to work or work part-time and are finding it hard to make ends meet but feel like they really need some help. The benefit of being in the UK and this being charged in dollars means that it works out to be even cheaper than the dollar amount suggests, especially with financial aid. Whilst this is still a big expense, especially for people with chronic illness, if it is something that is financially feasible, and you’re struggling to get the level of support you need on the NHS, it is the most affordable option that I have found, with the greatest value for money.

Oh, and if you’re comfortable enough leaving a video review for them after a few weeks (they’ll email you), you can get two weeks added to your subscription in return.

Getting my therapist

BetterHelp say that you’ll be matched with an appropriate, fully-licensed therapist within 24 hours. If I recall correctly, I was matched within the hour, and had a welcome message relatively soon after that from my therapist introducing herself, explaining how she works, and asking me to share anything I’d like to. I’d already filled in a pretty substantial amount of information in my sign up form, but went into more detail about my background and what I’d like to work on in our sessions.

I really liked the fact I could kind of write an essay with all the stuff that I wanted to share outside of our session. As someone who has seen more medical professionals over the years than I can count, it gets very old very quickly having to spend hours of your life verbally re-telling the same story over and over again, only to often have that information misinterpreted, or not taken down correctly. It felt like I could get the basics out of the way outside of my sessions, allowing her to get to know me more on my terms, and to start being ‘productive’ sooner rather than later. In the past I’ve spent so many sessions just getting all my medical history on the table (which uses up valuable time), and sometimes it has taken weeks for to start treating me with respect when they realise ‘ohhhh she does know what she’s talking about’. No shit.

We started messaging back and forth, and I was immediately impressed with how my therapist, who I will call ‘K’, took that information and asked tangible, thoughtful and intelligent questions. It made me feel listened to and understood, but it also got me thinking, even before we met, about the type of things that we could work on together.

My therapist is based in the Midwest United States, and so I was confused by what a Licensed Mental Health Professional was – as I don’t think we have that specific qualification in the UK (at least it’s not something I’ve come across before). My experience of ‘counsellor’, a word the site uses a lot, has not been great, as they are nowhere near qualified enough to deal with my numerous…numerous *sigh* issues. Not that I have anything against counsellor, a lot of them are really lovely and can help a lot of people, they just aren’t right for me.

K told me that she’s essentially a psychologist, with a post-graduate degree, and the only thing she can’t do is do the diagnostic tests for certain learning disabilities or prescribe medication. She has worked for 7 years with some of the most vulnerable communities in her area, now splitting her time between her in-person clinics and her online patients.

Whilst it’s good to know, from my experience, background doesn’t tell you all that much. Instinct and your personal experiences with a therapist is what tells you if it’s the right fit. And I could tell right away that I had found ‘my one’.

The Bang For My Buck

With my therapist (and some of the others may be different), I get 2 hour-long video therapy sessions a week, plus unlimited messaging in our little chat room. She will respond a minimum of once a day, but I often get much more than that, and usually at least one response at the weekend. This will probably vary from therapist to therapist, so is always worth confirming.

January 2019 Update: When you click the calendar to book your therapy sessions, as far as I can tell they’re only half an hour slots. My therapist is happy to do one-hour slots, but I have to message her to book them in. It’s worth messaging your therapist at the beginning to see what they’re able to offer and to book that in if possible, so as not to be surprised if you have half an hour when you’re expecting more!

Obviously, I know that I’m not going to get an immediate reply, but the whole set up feels incredibly ‘me’, in terms of how I use technology for my every day life.

I actually feel that it is the ‘non-session’ time that I have found the most useful. Usually whenever I have seen a therapist, I would have my 50 minutes, and that would be it until I saw them again. I couldn’t contact them (for obvious reasons), and it felt like a very specific chunk of time per week/month/whatever, that I would be getting support or encouragement to work on things.

Now, that support feels like it is always there. After our sessions, K writes to me what she wants me to work on (because I have a crap memory). That could be anything from reading an article that she thinks will be of interest to me (she also will randomly send me these throughout the week if it fits into what we’re discussing), filling in a worksheet about the irrational thoughts my brain is tormenting me with on any given day, writing what’s on my mind that’s not a perfectly crafted anecdote for Instagram (or starting a diary using prompts she sends me), or just taking a break and giving myself some slack, which is definitely the hardest things to do.

The chat function means that I can send her my thoughts, feelings, and generally the stuff that I’m working on, as well as sharing any major challenges that pop up between our sessions, which she is often able to help me put into context or get me to think about more deeply or in another way. I try to be disciplined and not just fill it with my life every single day, especially because I don’t want to become dependent on that chat as a crutch for my emotions.

But that’s the nice thing, you can use it as much or as little as you want or need to. I can also scroll up to see our whole chat history, and look at things that she’s told me that have helped in the past, or to remind myself of exercises or techniques during a difficult time.

It is really important to note here that although there is an ‘Urgent’ button in the chat, BetterHelp makes it very clear that they are not to be used when you are experiencing a mental health crisis where you could be a danger to yourself or others. They provide a list of international contact options here.

The variety of options available to communicate with your therapist means that for people who struggle with face-to-face communication (for whatever reason) have the option of accessing support that works for them. For example, when I was supposed to have plumbers in my flat for a week, we booked in to have a ‘live chat’ session via messaging on the app because I didn’t want them to listen to all my personal business!

From a practical stand-point, online therapy has meant that I don’t have to spend my energy travelling to and from an appointment, and being unable to do anything else that day. I’ve been able to book sessions in a way that works for my schedule and my health. Additionally, because it works on a monthly subscription, if I’m not well enough to have a session at a time we’ve booked, I don’t have to pay expensive cancellation fees, or risk losing my therapy altogether.

Some other things to think about

My experience with BetterHelp has genuinely been more positive than I expected, and I’m incredibly impressed with the service that I’ve had so far. But there are a few things that I think are worth thinking about:

The Luck of the Draw 

Firstly, and most importantly, I strongly believe that most therapy comes down to the luck of who you’re seeing. If you have a negative experience with a therapist, that will cloud how you see the entire process. Oh boy, does it. Feeling like you need to switch, especially if it takes you a while to find the right person, can get quite frustrating and upsetting and make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you – but it’s all about the right match.

In this case the forms I filled in seemed to really help, but maybe I was just lucky that I immediately got matched with someone who I liked, on both a personal and professional level. One of my biggest draws was that if I didn’t click with my therapist, I could easily change them without hassle, and there’s a much wider bank of potential therapists that I’d have access to than I’d have in ‘real life’.

January 2019 Update: I’ve had a couple of friends sign up who were unhappy with the first person they were matched with in terms of the messaging – as I said above – a lot of this comes down to luck and what we as individuals are looking for. They were able to change easily, but this is something to keep in mind.

The Connection Conundrum

And whilst online therapy is perfect for me, some people may find that not seeing someone face-to-face can make it harder to open up to, and to generally feel like you’re able to get to know your therapist. I think this is something that can be mitigated if travelling is difficult and you’re used to having most of your communication behind a screen, but for people who are not accustomed to writing publicly about the intimate details of their health online (thanks, Instagram!), this could definitely be a challenge.

Final Thoughts

I can honestly say that I have been incredibly impressed with the service I’ve received from BetterHelp, and I have done deeper work with K in the space of a month than I have ever done in therapy before. I put that down to the amount of time that we’re able to spend together, both in our video chats and during the week, which keeps me engaged, and challenges me to keep doing the hard work (blah) that I need to do to help myself. Instead of letting my brain spiral, I can put things down into the chat and have them put into context to help me move on with my day.

That being said, I genuinely believe a lot of therapy is about luck. I was lucky to find the right person for me the first time around, and our entire experience of something like BetterHelp will be coloured by the person that we’re matched with. I know a couple of people on Instagram messaged me telling me that they didn’t have the best experiences because of who they were matched with, and that’s really important to recognise. I’m sure I would have felt differently if that wasn’t the case, and because of this I obviously can’t speak to how the service works at switching therapists when necessary.

In terms of the service outside of the ‘therapy’, I couldn’t have created something more suited to me. I love that I have several different ways to communicate with K, and that it is flexible around my own schedule. I don’t have to waste a whole lot of energy travelling, which is a really big deal, and I get so much value for money in comparison to what is otherwise available. Of course, even with financial aid, $40 a week is still a lot of money for a lot of people, but I do feel that if it is feasible, it’s a fantastic option for those of us who need ongoing mental health treatment and have struggled to find it elsewhere.

So, if you’ve made it through all that, well done! The bottom line for me is that as a service I’ve finally found a way to have consistent therapy for the first time in my life and get past just venting in my sessions. I have a lot of scary emotional work ahead of me (eww, emotions), but I am feeling hopeful, optimistic, and supported. Which to me is the most important thing of all.

If you’d like to find out more, click here to check out BetterHelp. Don’t forget, if you’re on a low-income you can apply for financial aid that will make it more affordable!